If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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