Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
