i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
