whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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