I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
