Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
