Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
