so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
