All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
