i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
