i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
