Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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