So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
