sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
