If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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