I think my fart just growled at me.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
