just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
