Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
