I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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