those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
