i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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