im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
