3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
