note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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