I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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