drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I need a beard to bite.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
