I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I am morally bankrupt
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
