I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
