It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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