Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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