Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
