so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
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We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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