nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
