I must be too annoying 4 u.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
