from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
