I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
