hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
