this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
