I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
