Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
