what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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