I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
People in love make me want to vomit
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
