Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
