Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
