i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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