you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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