I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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