i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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