Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
