Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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