Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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