Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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