I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
