bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
