Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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