Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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