Tell her she can't have a vagina
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
