I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
