exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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