just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
