I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
