Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
