Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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