Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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