eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
