i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
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can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.