i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Boobs speak an international language.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!