It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".