the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.