If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
