you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
handjob tips. give me some.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.