Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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