My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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