We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
