Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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