Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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