The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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