I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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