Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
