the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
