Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You pole danced in your parka.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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