Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
