I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
