when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
